technobot

i've about had it up to here with technology.  yes, it is wonderful and we are moving in leaps and bounds with the amount of innovation and benefit that comes from it.  i just hate the dependence on it.  i left my stupid phone at my parents house tonight.  now i won't get to call mike before bed to wish him happy dreams all the way up there in maine.  and what if a creepy stalker breaks in?! i won't be able to call for help! but i will have a gun.  not that i'd be able to do anything with it other than hold it... this is where my mind goes.  i always am picturing the worst possible scenario, and then i begin obsess over it until every acorn that falls on my back deck is someone trying to sneak up to my slider.  and all of this because i forgot my phone.  i am considering driving all the way back to harwich (about 10 minutes one way) to get it.  how sad is that?  i am willing to put all that time and gas for a little black piece of plastic and wires.  i remember when i was little my parents had a rotary phone.  i hated when someone had a 0 in their phone number because it took soooooooo looooooong for the dial to turn all the way back to the beginning again.  that was simplicity.  if it didn't cost so much and wasn't so remote and useless in today's society, i would like to have a house phone again.  tonight i would be very pleased with one.  it would save me the hassle of my dilemma.  i could already be in bed for all i know, chatting away with mike with a cord attaching me to the phone jack (do i even have a phone jack?).  so what is my decision? i am ready to crawl into bed.  i have already brushed my teeth and my body is aching and tired.  not to mention the 10+ hours that i spent in the car from midnight to 10 am this morning.  are you saying in your head "quit complaining and go to bed, silly?" well, i am.  alas, i'm getting my car keys...

the ocean breathes salty

your body may be gone
i'm gonna carry you in,
in my head, in my heart, in my soul
and maybe we'll get lucky
and we'll both live again
well i don't know, i don't know
i don't ever think so

the ocean beathes salty
won't you carry it in,
in your head in, your mouth, in your soul
and maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old
well i don't know, i don't know
i hope so

well that is that and this is this
you tell me what you want and i'll you what you missed
when the ocean met the sky
you missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye
when the earth folded in on itself
and said good luck

this is from a song by modest mouse.  when we were living with sophie the spring before last i would listen to this album when i rode my bike to work every day.  this song came on in the car for the first time in a long time the other day and it made my stomach flip flop for about an hour.  like i had gotten punched or i almost fell off a ledge or something.  there are other verses in the song but they make me mad so i didn't write them.  this band has a very unique style that i absolutely hated when i was in high school but it has grown on me in more recent years.  its definitely not music for everyone.  i love the way that modest mouse makes music, i just don't agree with their philosophies.  they are cynical and pessimistic to the extreme.  there is a certain definity and beauty to their thought, and they put that into their music.  i think that is what i like about it so much.  one line that i feel defines them "if life's not beautiful without the pain, well i'd just rather never ever even see beauty again."  i don't really get where they are coming from, but i love the end result in their music.
i can't listen to any music lately with out being reminded of sophie.  the beatles remind me of her because she said that the beatles are boring. "i've been listening to them since i was in the womb, they're not coming out with anything new any time soon."  cat stevens reminds me of her because we were singing "ohh baby baby its a wild world" on the way home from work the day that she died.  "bad to the bone" reminds me of her because she knew every word to that song and would sing it every time it came on the radio.  even music that she never listened to will say one line and remind me of her.  i am not trying not to be reminded of her though.  i want her memory to be in my life as much as possible.  even though it hurts so much knowing that it will always only be her memory.  i need it here.

new november

today is novemeber second.  someone told me yesterday that this past october was the first month in something like 840 years to have 5 fridays, 5 saturdays and 5 sundays.  no wonder it felt long!  i feel like we've been living here forever, but we only just paid our second months rent yesterday.  not only is it now november, but it has started to feel like fall is here, my fingers, hips, and knees are killing me!  i had to warm up for this blog with a couple timed crosswords on my computer.  this is really the only thing that i truly hate about cold weather.  i must have early arthritis or something because it gets worse every year too.  other than the aches,  i'm excited for the winter to come.  bring it on mother nature!  i love brisk walks on the beach in 13 degree weather, with 9 layers protecting you from the harsh wind.  and then, coming in with rosy cheeks to a crock pot full of winter stew, or a steaming mug full of decaf coffee and baileys irish cream.  mmm, doesn't get any better than that!  the only thing i wish i could change about this apartment for the winter months is that there is no fire place.  i love curling up next to some burning logs with a good book or a knitting project.  luckily, our place is small enough that using the oven warms the whole place up by about 15 degrees.  i guess i'll be baking lots this winter.  in fact, i'm baking right now (not my brain, in the oven, silly).  i put a stuffed chicken in about an hour ago, that mike and i will enjoy for dinner with a nice fat butternut squash and some steamed broccoli.  i'm hoping for plenty of left overs so i can recreate and perfect a butternut-chicken noodle soup recipe that i created a couple of weeks ago.
yesterday as i was walking on the beach with pippa, i was wishing to myself that shells weren't such a cliche way to decorate.  i love shells, and we have such an abundance on our sandy shores.  they are such a mathematical wonder too.  every time i get them home and decorate with them, i just see the little rental cottages that i used to clean that have no character and lots of "cape cod charm."